Chapter 1: The Role of Triggers in Therapy

When a therapist experiences a trigger from a patient, it becomes crucial to discern whether the feelings stem from their own past or the patient's. This process requires a deep engagement with one’s own pain, as recognizing it can prevent confusion between personal narratives and those of the client. Many individuals seek therapy because their pain has become intertwined with their identity, transforming their experiences into a narrative that dominates their lives.

As pain intensifies or manifests early in life, it can become nearly inseparable from one’s identity, much like how physical laws govern the natural world. For instance, children raised by addicted parents often gravitate towards similar environments as adults. This phenomenon resembles how a magnetized needle is drawn to metal; when energy is polarized, it naturally seeks out its opposite.

When pain is deeply rooted and normalized, it becomes a person's internal working model—the psychological framework that shapes how they perceive the world. This explains why certain individuals, like sociopaths, may not experience PTSD, or why children raised in cults rarely question their circumstances. Such dynamics also shed light on why we tend to partner with individuals who mirror our past relationships and why the therapists who have endured their own struggles often excel at guiding others.

"I wanted to be celebrated for helping you, not reminded of my past!"

This reflection illustrates a common cognitive trap for therapists who fail to recognize that they are witnessing their own pain projected onto their clients. The etymology of "patient" links it to suffering, sharing roots with both "pathology" and "compassion." Therapists are aware that clients are not there to validate them; however, they may lose sight of this when triggered.

Chapter 2: The Challenge of Countertransference

I observed this phenomenon in a colleague who expressed frustration over a Narcissistic client during a group session she was facilitating. "He ridicules me and the entire group. He undermines everyone and dismisses my efforts. I cannot stand him!" Her gaze was as piercing as if she were confronting him directly. "Should I remove him from the group?"

"Why would you do that?" I inquired. "He’s fulfilling his role."

"His role?!"

"Absolutely. This is a group for those with personality disorders. He is simply demonstrating his disorder. Your responsibility is to manage the situation better than he does."

My colleague was baffled by my calmness. While I don’t claim to be unaffected by individuals with personality disorders—especially those within my own family—my background differs from hers. She had been raised in an environment rife with narcissism, and his behavior resonated with her unresolved wounds.

Every wound speaks its own language, and when someone shares a similar pain, it can evoke deep familiarity. The client may not consciously realize he is articulating her past, yet she feels the weight of those unspoken words. If she had acknowledged her countertransference, she could have explored her feelings of disgust and frustration as gateways to understanding his internal struggles.

She might have communicated directly, expressing her feelings of revulsion, helplessness, and the realization that his actions reflected his self-perception. This exchange could have fostered deeper insight into the dynamics at play.

The role of a therapist involves diving into the unconscious, both their own and that of the patient. Often, clients provoke strong feelings in therapists, and it becomes essential for therapists to not merely react but to utilize these emotions constructively. With heightened awareness, therapists can explore their psyche and uncover the patient's mental landscape.

This approach does not imply that therapists are devoid of emotions. I have raised my voice in sessions with numerous Borderline clients, but rarely directed at them. Instead, I express outrage over how they’ve been treated or highlight the abundance of love in their lives that they fail to recognize. By embodying their harsh energy, I establish trust and connection.

Many therapists, when confronted with overwhelming clients, draw from their own pain and filter it through their professional lens. They may label overly emotional clients as ‘Borderlines’ or harsh individuals as ‘Narcissists.’ However, these labels only scratch the surface of the complexities within the ten recognized personality disorders.

Unfortunately, the focus on two notorious disorders often leads therapists to overlook the remaining eight, influenced by social media and the prevailing trends within the therapeutic community. When a client is mired in shame, Avoidant Personality Disorder should come to mind, while those exhibiting detachment may indicate Schizoid Personality Disorder. Yet, clients experiencing shame often fail to provoke intense emotional responses, thus avoiding severe diagnoses.

For me, understanding mental disorders transcends mere observation and checklist evaluations. It requires immersing myself in the essence of these conditions, experiencing them from within. This approach aligns with Carl Jung's belief that healing arises not solely from knowledge but from one’s authentic self.

We are compensated not just financially but with trust and vulnerability from our clients. In return, we must help them navigate the meaning behind their emotions. If our reactions dominate the therapeutic space, we risk failing in our duty to the patient. Therapists who deflect blame onto clients often miss the crucial responsibility inherent in their role.

Ultimately, clients are tasked with resisting love, consciousness, or their true selves, while therapists must strive to embody their authentic selves more effectively than clients resist their own growth. Each patient carries their pain and clings to it, and our role is to cultivate belief in something greater.

In this video, we delve into how therapists can inadvertently trigger dissociation in clients suffering from disorganized attachment styles. This nuanced discussion sheds light on the intricacies of therapeutic relationships.

This video examines the reasons behind misdiagnosis in mental health, highlighting how therapists can mistakenly label patients and the consequences of these errors.