Chapter 1: Reflections on Solitude

Lately, I've been contemplating the essence of solitude. As someone who lives independently, with my daughters residing in different states and working as a solopreneur from home, I often find myself alone. Despite these circumstances, I generally do not perceive myself as lonely. I have a network of family, friends, and colleagues who provide support.

However, there are moments when the weight of independence can feel overwhelming, and I must confront the reality of spending considerable time alone, leading to feelings of sadness. It's interesting how one can experience loneliness even in the company of others. Throughout my marriage, during periods of single parenting, and in various corporate environments—even before the pandemic—I often felt isolated, despite being an extrovert. For introverts, this sensation may resonate even more deeply.

When I encounter these feelings, I've learned two essential strategies:

1. Acknowledge and accept my emotions honestly.
2. Remind myself that I am never truly alone.

I tend to suppress intense feelings, pushing through challenges while maintaining a positive outlook. While this resilience is beneficial, it can also prevent me from allowing myself to truly feel. It’s much easier to stay busy and distract myself than to confront uncomfortable emotions. Let’s face it: embracing our feelings can be tough!

It took me years to realize that my world wouldn’t crumble if I allowed myself to feel. Yet, sometimes I forget this lesson—until the moment arrives when I can no longer hold back the tears or the lump in my throat. It’s during these times that I must sit with my discomfort, confronting the unsettled and confusing emotions without a need to fix or alter them. This process is challenging but ultimately liberating.

Another reason I experience loneliness, particularly as a woman, stems from a disconnect from the lineage of women who came before me. Perhaps “disconnected” isn’t the right term; it may be more accurate to say that many of us have never truly been connected to that lineage. This realization is both heartbreaking and infuriating.

I’m reminded of a passage from Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ book, Women Who Run With the Wolves:

"I once dreamt I was telling stories and felt someone patting my foot in encouragement. I looked down and saw that I was standing on the shoulders of an old woman who was steadying my ankles and smiling up at me. I said to her, ‘No, no, come stand on my shoulders for you are old and I am young.’ ‘No, no,’ she insisted, ‘this is the way it is supposed to be.’ I saw that she stood on the shoulders of a woman far older than she, who stood on the shoulders of a woman even older, who stood on the shoulders of another soul…"

This absence of awareness—this lack of connection—exemplifies one of the many subtle impacts of patriarchy. It isolates us, disconnects us from our true selves, and prevents us from acknowledging our emotions or forming meaningful connections with one another.

Sisterhood is vital; it’s the foundation on which we stand. We must support each other, pray for one another, and share the joys and struggles of being women in today’s world. If we remain silent, we allow patriarchy to win, and that serves no one.

Because I refuse to be silenced or made to feel isolated, I actively reconnect with the stories and women who remind me of the fundamental truth: I am not alone.

But beyond my personal journey, I believe these narratives and connections are essential for you as well. When you feel disconnected, overly emotional, or inadequate; when you seek guidance and direction; when you need permission to embrace your feelings; and especially when you feel lonely—remember that you are not alone. Not ever.

As you navigate through 2022, whether with enthusiasm or reluctance, I hope you will:

1. Acknowledge your true feelings, especially when loneliness looms.
2. Recognize that you are deserving of your most profound and honest emotions.
3. Believe and remember that you are not alone—because you truly aren’t.

While putting these ideas into practice can be challenging, they hold immense value and truth.

It is my honor to remind you of the power and validity of your feelings and to reinforce that you are never alone. These insights and more are shared in my free Monday Letters. Subscribe to join the conversation, which is vital in my one-on-one work with women.